My last post was about my New Year's resolution to be a yea-sayer and kinder . Today I want to sort out some thoughts about just how this kindness and yea-saying works.
I recently found an amazing blog, Have Some Decorum. This blurb from the blog sums up her situation:
Who am I? I am a lot of things. The only one that I want to be defined by is that of a mother. Anything past that is just fluff. I used to be a lot of things too. I used to be an interior designer. I used to have an antique store in Santa Barbara. I used to live in New York. I used to work at the fabulous chic Assouline Publishing in New York but I got fired because I wasn’t very friendly. I used to work at 1stdibs in New York. It was my favorite job that I've ever had but I only had it for two weeks because I got sick.
I used to be a perfectly healthy functioning woman with not a care in the world. Then, life changed. I don’t like to just throw it out there that I have ALS, a terminal disease. ALS does not define me but it has changed the way I look at things. Nothing and everything matters to me now. I know what is important and I know what is not important. My daughter, my husband, my friends, my cat and my dog matter.
Me keeping my sanity through all of this matters and in doing so I like to do this blog. I don’t have anything to prove, I don’t have anyone to impress and I have nothing to lose. Therefore this blog focuses on everything that I like… Art, architecture, culture, fashion, flowers, food, Paris, travel, interior design, houses, gardens, faith etc. Just for the fun of it I like to focus on everything that I don’t like as well. I feel like I can be totally honest with my opinions because I have no agenda. I imagine readers will appreciate that. So, I invite you to come along on this little journey with me. It will be fun.
Do not expect this blog to be sad, or self-pitying, or an "I found religion and am at peace" read, even though she is now totally paralyzed and needing 24/7 care. No siree; this is a whack 'em up side the head , crack me up laughing kind of blog. No matter the subject, she beats it into submission in the funniest way imaginable.
So on to the kindness thing. Some anonymous person left a comment on another blog, attacking Have Some Decorum's lifestyle, need for help with medical expenses, and even gift purchases. Clearly this isn't on the kindness side of the ledger. I do wonder about people who feel free to spew judgement and unpleasantness without being big enough to sign their name to their garbage. And why some people feel that the internet gives them license to dump their toxic stuff with impunity.
Have Some Decorum responded in a let-it-rip, no holds barred spectacular post titled "Dear Fat Fuck". (If you are easily offended, this may not be the blog for you - or maybe it is exactly the blog you need to read). Head for the bunkers, Ms FF, you are being put in your place in spectacular style. It's a point-by-point take down of major proportions.
Then I remembered my plan to be kinder and wondered for a fleeting moment if HSD overdid it. Should she have just ignored Ms FF? (As I've told my kids over and over, being the better person is not immediately satisfying.) But I wonder if some behavior is so egregious, so offensive, so out of the circle of normal behavior that nothing short of a serious smack-down is in order?
This is one of the gray areas that makes being an adult so complicated. Nothing is ever just black or white, and hardly any line in the sand (excluding those involving a behavior that carries a felony label) is really uncrossable. Of course we want to be kinder, gentler, but some times nothing short of pitching a major nuttie will do justice to the offense.
I figure if we (and really I mean ME) can manage to be kind in all of the daily interactions with those we love and those we don't, then if some major dip-do messes with us, we just might be justified in letting the dragon roar.
I'll be back with some art work soon; all of this complicated self-improvement talk is exhausting!